12:41 PM sy 0 Comments

date 5 JAN 2009 ( MONDAY)

Have you ever feel that you are lost?
Have you ever feel that there's no place that can fit you?
Have you ever feel that you are stupid for wondering around the place?
Have you ever feel that you are a disturbant to ask people when people are busy?

Gosh.. I felt all those today. Feel like smashing myself. Today, I went bac to my school. Trying to get my leaving certificate. Sadly, the leaving cert. is not ready yet. I have no choice but to tell the teacher that I need the cert. So, the teacher in charge ask me to come back at 11am to get from him. One of my friend told me that I wouldnt get the cert so fast. Only till I get my results. But I have no choice because I need it. Anyway, thanks for the advice.

WHile waiting, one of the teacher ask me to help out in the SPBT room. So I hang out in the SPBT room to help out.( at least a place to fit me in) The room is just like a sauna room. Anyway, I enjoy helping them. HAHA! Later, I went down to find the teacher. Another disappointment. The teacher said I cant get my cert. today. HM still didnt sign yet.

I was totally out of idea. Im so sorry teacher to disturb you. Thanks for helping me anyway. The office clerk told me that I can get a letter of approval that I am the student of that school. After that, I rush to another school to send in my application.

Before that, I was in the staff room to chat with the teachers. At that time, I suddenly feel I am so awkward. I was afraid to disturb the teachers. My teachers are all busy. But then at the same time, I have no where to go. The feeling of lost and stupid grows stronger and stronger. I really hate the feeling. I think I will have to experience this feeling whenever I explore to new places.

I will just have to get myself fit into the situation. The feeling of helpless is really conquering my heart at that very moment. Down my heart, I seriously pray that someone will just please accompany me. I didnt want to be alone. I always thought I can be independent. The fact told me that I may not be. I also understand that I shouldnt always depend on my friends. I have to learn to do things alone. Friends may also be busy with their stuff. I understand that. Just a little hope in myself to get someone accompany me. Haha!

So, after this experience I grow a little more. Not in my height or width, but my experience. haha! thanks again for leading me through all these. Anyway, my little gift from God is that I get to meet most of my classmates today.haha!! THanks again for everything today. Thanks to my teachers for giving me some help today. I appreciates it. ARIGATO.

> wasnt in a good mood before writing dis blog. anyway, after that I felt much better. A place for me to express everything. I have found it.